Finish...

Physics tonight. And a poem.

Finish.
What are you fleeing?
Running as if the Devil was right behind.
Kicking up little spurts of gravel,
In the recess of your mind.

Starburst, fireworks
Your breath comes heavy and hot.
Always looking for that finish tape
But never able to stop.

Going in circles
I can't seem to keep a straight line.
Running through the dark
Chasing the setting sun.
Twisting through the violent maze
God, when can I be done?

Colors burst, fireworks
Dead ends again and again.
The tar bubbles in the heat as I flee
My feet are black with stain.

Throw me down on the headshrink's couch
Drug me out with gin.
I'll still keep running, pounding on.
Flying forward, but I'll never win.

Blood burst, fireworks
Voices tell me to carry on
Gasping out my fleeting breath,
God, let me see the dawn.

Yes, to God I cry out my soul--
How dare He answer me not.
If He truly cared, loved at all,
He'd grant me peace to stop.

Rain burst, fireworks
Washes away the blood from my eyes
All this time, running the wrong way--
"It is finished," the dying man sighs

I take a step, and then I stop
Hope pouring into my veins.
Oh, this is peace, this is rest--
Letting go in my last death strains.

Lifeburst, fireworks
In death there's life I've found.
Not a grave but true paradise,
Now unchains me from the ground.

I began to walk, and then I run
Not from a fear but joy.
I've learned now its not a race
Not to a point, but to a grace
Not through a line, but through a grave
Now all a celebration of joy.

Starburst. Firework.
Breathe in. Love. Breathe out.
Sunrise, sunset--I see it all.
Fear? Its what I live without.

[all the times you ran away, love pursued you even more]

Grace...

Physics tonight. And a poem.

Grace

The drops spatter at the windowpane
Nose to glass, I watch the rain.
Water mixed with Autumn mold
A world for me that's bitter and cold.

A robin flits by, shaking its beak,
Escaping the frost that has left it weak.
A thought escapes as I dry my eyes,
An added cloud in my misery gray skies.

A wounded heart sits silently here.
No answer to this soul's shouted prayer.
Please; a way to run, to hide.
I can't handle this grief, I tried.

A bit of red in the now falling snow,
This broken heart bleeds out below.
A bit of coal amongst all the white,
Mars the beauty in the fading light.

The snow has stopped, and so have my tears.
The cold remains, and so do my fears.
Anger; tell me why did this happen?
The argument circle I'm still trapped in.

Tell me I'll be alright, that I'll be ok.
No, leave me alone--keep your cliches.
I can't do this myself--please let me be strong.
Something make my life right, its now so wrong.

The orange lines of sun split through the clouds
Warm on my face, the sunset glow astounds.
A ray pierces my heart, through the painful dark hue,
And I hear a whisper, "I painted this all for you."

[when I wiped the tears from your face / I called it all, Grace]

Rasa, Rasa...

Physics tonight. And a poem.

Rasa, Rasa

My heart beats,
As a man, as a drum.
Hear the lifeline of this earth
Dominion and destruction

Return to this paradise
Respite of the fallen
Roll the dice, pass the cup
Revel in this pleasure den.

If you fly higher
You shall fall all the more
Ten graves deeper down
Looking only to travel lower.

Fall away, call away
What are you looking for?
Famed in the darkness
But starbright at the core.

Raise up, rise up.
Rasa, rasa, tabula rasa.
Rewrite your story,
Reclaim those you lost.

A man once paid ransom for you,
Heaven met Earth for your soul.
Death brought life: Ni kumaliza
Let your debt be paid in full.

See your deeds, failures, your scars
He sees them, knows where you've been
Where you've lived up, down, tried to let go
But calls you Saint, no more condemned.

Child, child, child
Why do you weep?
When Hope seems gone,
Joy destroyed,
Love has left,
Life at dead end.
Remember: you're the one I chose to keep.

[never stop living]

Skylights...

     Another post, another poem. This one was written as a half-poem, half-song. If any of you have a possible tune for this, give it a go and let me know. Until then, it will simply remain words on a page. (Music really brings our language to life)

--Skylights--

You've got your money,

Drugs, drinks, and bling.

But you've never got your freedom,

A Liberty Bell to ring.

Your psychedelics, religious relics

Never brought anyone joy.

Existentialism is only detrimentalism.

Escape can't be found through the sky or ground.

Release can't read in fiction or Freud.

Success isn't gained through being paranoid.

You've only got Life through the Man on the tree,

Through the blood poured out to make other men free.

Though until now your existence seemed eternity,

Your Life has just begun.

The eternal grave has been turned back again:

You've been made aright--

You've been made alive.

--Today is the last day that you'll die--

Tonight is the night you begin to thrive

Tonight is the night you come alive

Like the current that flows to light up the skies

Is the joy of freedom that lights up your eyes.

There's a fire a'ragin', yearning for souls,

[It lights up the night, and love is its pull]

The flames fan across the full of the world

[Instead of ashes, they leave men strong and bold]

Light up the sky, light up the night

You've got freedom in Christ, He's won the fight.

Welcome to joy, the death of all strife

Welcome to victory, love, freedom, and life.

The Chosen...

Life is hard. We all can say that. But never forget who and what you are; how much you are worth:

Feeling left out, struggling through
The gray shell of the day.
Maybe pushed aside, maybe ignored
Humanity's mistakes, hunting you: the prey.


Not only theirs, but also yours;
Pains hanging on your heart. 
Whisper "Not loved," whisper "No good"
Between heartbeats miles apart.


But you're chosen.


He's pursuing you with open arms;
Pursuing you with His own heart.


You are chosen.


Full of love, ever enough
His head spinning for you.
The wounds in His hands drip with blood
That cries out:


You are loved.


Why doubt His Passion?
Why doubt His grace?
You're chosen as His bride
With Christ you have a place.


The gray tatters of life may press
Sorrows lie in wait for Joys.
But live like you've nothing left, 
Because He's chosen you.


[Chosen, and loves you.]

Falling...

     C.S. Lewis was an incredible man. From his grasp on allegorical literature to his complete understanding of the Gospel simply laid out in Mere Christianity, Lewis impacted Christianity and Christian literature greatly. But he did not start out as a spiritual giant; instead, as he put it, "I was the most stubborn of all atheists." And indeed, he was. During his college years before World War I, he openly mocked religious students and used his writing ability to create papers debunking God. Yet, Lewis changed after the War: it was then that he turned to God. One of the reasons for his conversion was the deep losses he experienced in his life. When he was nine, his mother died suddenly, leaving Lewis and his brother to be brought up by their dad. During WWI, he became close friends with another soldier. Unfortunately, Lewis' friend was killed suddenly in an attack. These losses decimated Lewis and he looked for comfort. Ultimately, he found the comfort in the arms of Christ. After so many years of feeling out of control, he was able to rest.

Falling down
I never stop.
Til the ground
Stops my feet.

And the ground I now rest upon,
His title is The Rock
Though times again I slip anon
He always stops my feet.

My grasp on Life
Is losing its hold.
My control is rife
With a lack of grip.

I clung with all strength, but in vain;
Losing grasp, I fell.
But His hands caught me, without pain;
And now I'm in His grip.

Falling ain't like flying
Because there's no control.
It's helplessness and crying,
Until you hit the ground.

But falling in life doesn't have to be
The current status quo.
In God's hands, rest eternally
And from there, you'll never fall.

Securely rest
Without fear.
His grasp is the best,
And you'll be surprised by Joy.

Falling ain't like flying,
Because there's no control.
But if you give up trying,
He'll catch you before the ground.

     C.S. Lewis is someone to admire and imitate. Though he lost so much in life, including the wife of his later years, he remained focused and true to Christ.
     Falling isn't like flying; so let God catch you.

lightbulb...

It has now become an incorrigible habit of mine to write poetry during our history TOG meetings. I pay attention, but verses just seem to come. Anyways-- here is tonight's poem--it's a summation of an analogy of my life. My life is like a lightbulb. If you still wonder what I mean after finishing reading, just ask.

lightbulb.

In the middle of a room
Stands a lamp--with the lightbulb on.
Shining into every dark corner,
Dispelling any gloom.

Despite the brilliance given,
There is still fragility,
A split second of off and on,
And failures in the living

Let my life resemble
This light; for You.
I may break easily
But Your hands assemble
Anew.

Your power is pulsing, flowing,
Lighting me up for the world.
Coursing through my veins and heart,
In the middle of the room I am glowing.

If I lose hope; shatter into pieces,
The light grows dim; darkness returns.
I'm human, I'm fragile I know,
But Your love for me still reaches.

Let my life be a light for You,
Though I break, You make anew.
In the middle of the darkness, surrounded
I'm nothing, lest in Your power am founded.

 five: millions of pieces.
 four: come together again.
three: power to shine bright.
two: darkness reaches.
one: ___ ___ ___
       light.

Alive...

Another poem spurred on by History last night....


Welcome to my world
Everything is up and down.
Blacks and whites look more like grays,
And there's no direction in this town.

Why can't everything be crystal clear?
My thinking isn't straight.
Looking for a note in all the noise,
Can anything change my state?

I've tried and I've tried, but I still am lost.
I've lied and I've lied, but the truth still haunts me.
Reason only leaves dead ends and confusion to life;
I thought I was living, but is there life in me?

I've looked at everything under the sun,
And yet, the answer hides.
My eyes are open but I don't see,
The Truth that's on all sides.

You surround me; lifting my life up
Yet I ignore Your love and focus on my day
Life is senseless when You're not involved
I choose Your light, Your life--
And in Your arms I'll stay.

Nothing is true unless the Truth is real.
Nothing is living unless Life has awakened it.
Direction is circular without the Way that is Straight
And the One who redeems your life from the pit.

Come awake and come alive,
By taking the hand held out to you.
There's love overpowering and sweet.
There's Christ that makes all new.

Amen.

Follow You...

Our Tapestry of Grace history meeting was very good tonight. Inspiring, in fact. Not that I wasn't paying attention, but the Lord gave me words for a poem/song. Its really more of a psalm though.

A Psalm of Trust

I will rise up on Eagle's wings
But where should I fly?
I have refuge in the cleft of the Rock
Does that mean I should hide?
Following, listening, looking for Your voice,
I hear you calling, but to where should I go?

Shall I turn to the East
Or move to the South.
I know you lead me, but where shall I follow?
Do I go to the world,
Or is home the place to be?
I follow your call
Though I cannot see

Doors open and close, do I step through?
I'll wait and again, I depend on You.
Say move and I'll move
Say go and I'll go.
There's a plan You have laid out
A plan for me and the world.

I'll follow to the ends of the earth--
Your ways are not my ways, O God.
There is nothing unknown to You:
Why would I trust my knowledge
As faulty as it is?
Follow is a simple word,
And follow you I will.

Who shows the sparrow how to fly?
Should I follow You? I will not ask why.
High above all else
You reign in all and create all.
Though I do not know the direction,
I will follow You.

When I cry out, You are there.
You catch my every tear
You have shown Yourself true
Through and through.
If I trust You with my strife,
Why not give You all my life?
The way is unclear....
...but Your way holds no fear.