Finish...

Physics tonight. And a poem.

Finish.
What are you fleeing?
Running as if the Devil was right behind.
Kicking up little spurts of gravel,
In the recess of your mind.

Starburst, fireworks
Your breath comes heavy and hot.
Always looking for that finish tape
But never able to stop.

Going in circles
I can't seem to keep a straight line.
Running through the dark
Chasing the setting sun.
Twisting through the violent maze
God, when can I be done?

Colors burst, fireworks
Dead ends again and again.
The tar bubbles in the heat as I flee
My feet are black with stain.

Throw me down on the headshrink's couch
Drug me out with gin.
I'll still keep running, pounding on.
Flying forward, but I'll never win.

Blood burst, fireworks
Voices tell me to carry on
Gasping out my fleeting breath,
God, let me see the dawn.

Yes, to God I cry out my soul--
How dare He answer me not.
If He truly cared, loved at all,
He'd grant me peace to stop.

Rain burst, fireworks
Washes away the blood from my eyes
All this time, running the wrong way--
"It is finished," the dying man sighs

I take a step, and then I stop
Hope pouring into my veins.
Oh, this is peace, this is rest--
Letting go in my last death strains.

Lifeburst, fireworks
In death there's life I've found.
Not a grave but true paradise,
Now unchains me from the ground.

I began to walk, and then I run
Not from a fear but joy.
I've learned now its not a race
Not to a point, but to a grace
Not through a line, but through a grave
Now all a celebration of joy.

Starburst. Firework.
Breathe in. Love. Breathe out.
Sunrise, sunset--I see it all.
Fear? Its what I live without.

[all the times you ran away, love pursued you even more]

You say let it go...

      "I'm sorry. How could you ever forgive me?"
      Its a phrase that is always hard to say to a friend, and even harder to hear from one. Its a statement of complete remorse that painfully stitches up the wounds of a wrong.
       Forgiveness.
       Its tough to ask for and sometimes an enormous challenge to give to someone. We often hold on so tightly to our grudges against our siblings, against the world, stewing in the anger or frustration that we believe to be so righteous.

      But let it go.

     Oftentimes we focus so much on Easter Sunday, but we sometimes fail to recognize the magnitude of what happened today almost 2,000 years ago. See, today was the day that Christ died, the day that His blood poured out of His body satisfying God's demand for a righteous sacrifice for the sins of humanity. The price of man's sin had to be paid--and that price was death.
       A death that Christ gave Himself to willingly.
       Because of that death, the cost of every sin of the world--past, present, future--was fully paid. The ledgers of debt were cleared, the negative balance was erased. And every sin--past, present, and future--was forgiven.
       This is a fact that we so often overlook--that everyone has been fully and completely forgiven. You don't have to belong to a megachurch; you don't have to sing in the choir; you don't have to be the perfect father, mother, or sibling; you don't have to have a clean record; you don't have to be straight.
        It has all been forgiven.
       When I step out my front door, I sometimes can't help but look at the world with a skeptical eye, writing it off in my mind as a total, decadent, twisted loss. I turn and look into the mirror of my circle of friends and family, and see us as so much better than the world, those very special few who have a message of righteousness and love to bestow to those we choose. But I forget that Christians all were forgiven just as much as the rest of the world. We've just chosen to recognize the fact. But the fact that we ignore was that Good Friday wasn't about creating elitists, but about destroying the barrier between us and God's love.
      When Christ walked the earth, He didn't selectively pick and choose the righteous rulers to become His comrades; He spent His time and ate His meals with fishermen, with tax collectors, with prostitutes. His love was for the scum of society, the people that the righteous looked upon with repugnance. And when He died, He forgave them all. Even against the soldiers who provided His cruel and painful death, He refused to hold a grudge. "Father, forgive them."

      I firmly believe that you cannot be a Christian if you do not accept Christ's love for you. I firmly believe that you cannot be a Christian and refuse to share Christ's love for the entire world. Yes, God is just; consequences will come for where we all have abandoned Christ in our lives; but we get hung up on proclaiming God's great wrath and justice and forget to explain that every single one of us has been forgiven. We can't selectively choose to discriminate against people just because their sins stand out more or smell worse than the sins of the person next to them. We cannot shut the doors to the Church simply because someone has tried to find love in drugs, alcohol, pornography, or homosexuality.
       We so often urge unbelievers to not waste the gift of forgiveness that Christ's death provides, but I think it is often we who waste this gift by forgetting that every person is loved and is forgiven by Christ. We write the person off as a total loss, failing to see the forgiven soul under the sinful flesh.

        Friends, do not forget the reason for Christ's sacrifice.

       It is hard to forgive someone, yes. My brother? Its hard. Myself? Doubly hard. The world? The challenge of a lifetime.
     
But it all has been forgiven by Christ. Shall we do the same?

[You say let it go]

When you feel like you're damaged goods, broken by your past or by your life, remember: every fiber of your being is loved, and every wrong deed in your history was washed away by the crimson sacrifice of Christ today.

Rasa, Rasa...

Physics tonight. And a poem.

Rasa, Rasa

My heart beats,
As a man, as a drum.
Hear the lifeline of this earth
Dominion and destruction

Return to this paradise
Respite of the fallen
Roll the dice, pass the cup
Revel in this pleasure den.

If you fly higher
You shall fall all the more
Ten graves deeper down
Looking only to travel lower.

Fall away, call away
What are you looking for?
Famed in the darkness
But starbright at the core.

Raise up, rise up.
Rasa, rasa, tabula rasa.
Rewrite your story,
Reclaim those you lost.

A man once paid ransom for you,
Heaven met Earth for your soul.
Death brought life: Ni kumaliza
Let your debt be paid in full.

See your deeds, failures, your scars
He sees them, knows where you've been
Where you've lived up, down, tried to let go
But calls you Saint, no more condemned.

Child, child, child
Why do you weep?
When Hope seems gone,
Joy destroyed,
Love has left,
Life at dead end.
Remember: you're the one I chose to keep.

[never stop living]

We Grieve...

     Yesterday, twenty children died. Twenty kids who hadn't even graduated from elementary school, twenty kids who were loved dearly by their families and community, twenty kids who just  the day before ran and played without a care in the world, gunned down where they stood.

 Yesterday, six adults died. Six mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends; six adults who devoted their lives to teaching and mentoring the future who will never see their work come to fruition; six people who gave all they had for the children they taught.

  We ask how this could have happened. Of all the towns in America Newtown, Connecticut is one of the least touched by crime and poverty, yet is now the site of the worst school shooting in our nation's history. "How is this possible?" we wonder. Of course it was the shooter's fault--Adam Lanza is responsible for every life that passed before his bullets; but we almost want to place the blame elsewhere as well--after all, Americans are normal, stable people. Surely Adam is not solely to blame for this tragedy. It was the legislators who have not passed strict gun laws. It was the US healthcare system for not providing affordable mental counseling. It was Adam's own parents that failed to raise him correctly.

     But why do we need to blame anyone else? This shooting has brought grief to every one of our hearts--why stir up more angst and frustration? For those of you who think this is political fodder, please cease. This is not a "prime piece of evidence for gun control." This is not the platform for more political pontification on our health system. This is where twenty-six innocent souls died. This is where mothers and fathers will never see their children again in this life. This is where children's blood stained the pavement.
     Do not be afraid to mourn those lost.

     Yesterday, I lived life as normal. I spent time with friends; I went and saw a movie; I celebrated this Christmas season with my family. Am I cold? Am I insensitive to the fact that for twenty-six families, Christmas will now be a funeral? Should I have stopped my life because lives ended yesterday? I mourn those killed; I grieve for the families and pray for their loss, however, America, do not be afraid to carry on. Grieve in your hearts but show strength in your actions. If we cease to continue, when shall we begin again? Dedicate the quiet parts of your life to remembering these children and teachers, but do not be afraid to proceed with life.  Courage is rising the the challenge and meeting adversity. Let us meet this adversity with resolve.
     We will remember these dead for decades to come.

     For the families of this tragedy, and all whose hearts were wrenched by this horror--look for hope. Look for peace. Look for joy.
     Look for Christ.
     I don't know why the shooting happened. I don't know how it fits into God's plan. Nay, I do not claim to have the answers. Remember this though: what Christ has to offer is far greater than what you are feeling now. We cannot bring them back...

One of the children wrote this note for his mother the day before dying in the shooting.

...but we can find peace in the arms of Christ.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." 

This sounds like a cliche answer, but it is a true answer. Christ grieves with you over your children. He loved your children. He loved every laugh and smile that came from their lips; He loved every time their eyes lit up with joy.
     America, find commiseration in Christ. He grieves with us today.